I was a member of a group of ladies who decided to live a different lifestyle. Some clothed diapered, some breastfed, or only ate organic. Some did everything green. The idea was to support one another in their quest to live a life as green and natural as possible.
The lady who ran the group is just as sweet as can be. Probably one of the most supportive people I have ever met. I will miss her so. I could write her about anything and nary a hurtful word one would come out of her mouth. More people should be like that.
But I was doomed from the start. I talk way too much and don't know when to hold back. You see I've been through a lot in my 32 years on this earth. More then many even know. So I found comfort in the "non-judgmental" aspect of the group. Being judged every moment of my life I found solace in venting and hoping it fall on caring ears.
Then one day a member (I shall keep all people nameless as I am not a catty person) made a comment how I always "know" someone who went through this and how I always must comment on that and people were sick of it. From there is snowballed to others making such comments and being mean. I couldn't believe that such people would be like this to me. I admit I whine a lot. I complain a lot. But it seemed that others did that and it was always met with such joy and comfort that I too longed for it.
It was like high school again I didn't fit into the click. One moment someone was messaging me they understood. The next messaging a friend that they couldn't believe she was friends with me. How could she stand me? One woman had the nerve to say to my friend that I needed to wake up and see how fat my daughter was. That every picture I took had her eating junk food and when was I gonna realize I had a fat child?
More things happened and I finally let loose with a longer story of my life at the request of the owner. More judgement came and she was stood up for me. Things started getting better then the group moved from a board over to a FB page.
I noticed that a lot of my posts would get ignored or have a negative comment or two. One even posted "all you do is come here to complain." After this morning when I admitted fault in using language unbecoming of mother this same woman posted how wrong I was and how if she had children she wouldn't let them play with me. I get so sick and tired of people pretending they don't ever make a mistake and I told her had she been in the situation she'd understand and it was mistake for opening my heart. She said my only mistake was thinking people would sympathize.
So I told her how I think it's wrong that others can get such support and I get negative responses. Like the one she posted about "all you do is complain." That everyone should scroll back and look at all the complaining they do and how different the response is. She said it wasn't true but she knows it is. So do others that defeat the purpose of the group.
I don't understand exactly if it's just the complaining and needing support that rubs people wrong. But I can't understand why grown people message each other back and forth how weird I am and how fat my child is and think they are mature enough to give opinion on my life. Really? I was simply reaching out and you pretend to like me up front then talk horribly about me behind my back. And criticize a child? Really?
So I prayed on it and bid farewell this morning. Not sure if anyone with care. Many probably will be relieved. I don't know if anyone will be sad. I know I am a little. But I had to leave because I was gonna call out everyone who ever said something about each other and that's really immature. So I left and perhaps people will figure it all out on their own. Meanwhile I'll have to figure my problems out on my own.
