So the newest parenting buzz has some parents out there acting as if they have NEVER had a moment of negative thought as a parent. Apparently the parody book (that's meant for adults mind you) "Now Go the F**k to Sleep" has parents in an uproar. How dare a parent even think those thoughts! NOT!
I love these parents who "walk on water" with their "gentle parenting" approach. I suppose the same ones find it abusive to put a child in "time out" to think about it. Well, color me evil because not only have I thought the title of the book but I use time out too! Oh, yes I'm the mean mommy who make her child and children that enter my home accountable for their actions. So wrong....I know. I mean when my child grows up and abides by the law I should be so ashamed of myself.
I'm not hear to judge others parenting styles. But I am here to say that some times people need to think before jumping to conclusions. Sure if you actually READ this book to your child it's a horrible idea. But to vent in comedy form I think is much healthier then screaming to your child "GO THE F**K TO SLEEP!" I mean I sit here and think of all my sleepless nights with my child and others and I tell you my mind not only wandered to those words but has actually screamed "GO TO SLEEP NOW OR YOU ARE GROUNDED FROM ELECTRICITY!" That meaning if it plugs in (video games, TV) you can't use it. But let me let you in on my frustration with a simple example of why.
Moms and Dads really do think differently. I don't know what is coded in our DNA to make us that way but we do. See a mom sees a scary movies as "Hell no, I'm not staying up with them all night". Where as a dad sees it as "It'll toughen 'em up." So here goes my night in hell.
I was watching a friend's 3 children overnight.....ages 2, 8. & 10. Now add my 8 year old daughter in the mix. Dad brings them over and suddenly him and hubby get into the conversation of zombie movies. In this brief conversation they decide to watch Resident Evil and Zombieland back to back. I voice my "Not with the kids awake" and it's greeted with the toddler already being asleep and the 8 year olds playing video games in the other room. This leaves the 10 year old boy in the living room. Again "Not a good idea". Greeted with his father saying "it's OK for him to watch." A battle I just wasn't gonna win. So I inform my daughter and his youngest son to "Stay in the bedroom"....which in 8 year old language translates to "Come out every five minutes to get something from the living room or kitchen and "accidentally" look at the TV". See where I'm going with this?
Fast forward to bed time and I've got 3 kids who "can't sleep by themselves". Where dad #1 has left and dad #2 is asleep, peacefully in our bedroom. Where does this leave me? My plus sized self squished on a couch with my daughter and two other children as close as they can all discussing what would happen if "this" or "that" got infected with the T-virus. Meanwhile the frustration builds over the hour and finally I scream "GO TO SLEEP NOW OR THE T-VIRUS IS GONNA BE THE LEAST OF YOUR WORRIES!"
So I'm the lightest sleeper on the planet and I hear this voice whispering "Ms Erin? Ms Erin". I awake nose to nose with the 8 year old boy. Keep in mind I'm half blind without contacts or glasses. Luckily I fell asleep with them in...the big no no and they were cloudy. He nearly met my fist. I say "What's the matter Cohan?" He says "I can't sleep. I keep dreaming zombies are trying to get me." I tell him "It's not zombies it's God telling you that you shouldn't have been watching that movie. Now get close over by Ms Erin and if Zombies come they'll get me first because like the movie said 'the fatties go first'" This reassured him and for 5 beautiful minutes I was back to sleep zombie free.
It's now 2am and the next thing I knew my daughter is kicking the crap out of me. I look down at the other end of the couch and she is "running" in her sleep. I call her name gently "Colleen? Colleen?" and am greeted with "NO! STOP! HELP!" I call again and she is simply kicking the crap out of me. I scream "COLLEEN MIKAYLA WHAT IS WRONG?" She sits up and screams "ZOMBIES!" Cohan now sits up and screams "ZOMBIES?! WHERE?!" Carter the 10 year old awakens gently enough, raises his hand and says "Don't worry Ms Erin, I'll double tap." (Zombieland movie line). So I spend the remainder of the night hearing what if this got infected and that got infected as my husband snores from the bedroom. I'm thinking "My God if they don't go to sleep I'm gonna help them get there."
So now on our front door resides a sing warning "Danger Zombies Ahead"These same parents would call me horrible. Yeah, well spend a week in my shoes! I call me being a real mom. I'm not gonna pretend I'm perfect. If I were what kind of fun would that be? Life isn't about being a Stepford wife. It's about making mistakes, learning from them, and not doing it again. Children don't come with an instruction manual. If they did how boring would that be? Look at what we'd miss out on!
I'd have known at kindergarten age you need to give clear and precise instruction. Had I known that I'd have missed out on her finger painting my walls. Telling her "you can paint whatever you want honey" got me beautiful black hand prints all over the kitchen and up the stairs walls. I'd have missed out the "don't worry mommy, I'll clean it up(s)" and the "I've got an idea(s)" so much. All the frustration is so worth the experiences I receive not knowing what will happen next.
Will I be buying this book? Probably not. Will I be thinking it's contents? Yeah, she's only 8 now. Will I be speaking it's words. Absolutely not. I don't want my child to think I don't love her. Will I be placing the mother's curse on her? OH YEAH! Because I can't wait til that day I get a call and it's her on the other line and I hear a child in the background going "Mommy, Mommy, MOMMY!" and she's like "GO TO SLEEP OR I'M GONNA HELP YOU GET THERE!" I can just smile and and say "Having a little trouble dear? Don't worry, it only gets worse from here."
No comments:
Post a Comment